Knocking at this door incessantly
A solid, large door of elm with no handle
Willing and pleading it to just open
Frantically, rapping louder and harder
Just on the other side is every desire and want
Screaming into a final, swift kick
Now, slumping down the door in angry frustrations
A heart beat is thrumming deep in the ears
Huffs and erratic breathing through the nostrils
A sigh leaves the lips before the eyes open again
Oh, I’m in, looking around
The realization sets in that the other side is here
Standing, uncertain while glancing around
An expanse of calm, wide openness, white
The ears no longer pulsing, breathing steady
Turning around, what is this door with no handle
Curiosity sets in before my hand softly knocks

Far too often I find myself in these moments and I know you can relate. Constantly waiting for the next opportunity, the next door to open, the next, the next, the next. The irony of this circumstance is that I never realize I’m exactly where I need to be until I’ve exhausted myself into my own submission. Believing that the elm door will be the key to my independence and freedoms from myself. Whatever is on the other side is where I should be, escaping whatever is behind me. The fact is that this door will never open and there is nothing on the other side or thru the door. The white expanse of the space that the door and I reside is my inner being. When I am alone and still with myself, in a meditative like state, this area is calm and pure. This is the mental state I hope to achieve until something pulls my curiosity in another direction. Oh look a door – I wonder what’s on the other side; whatever it is, I must want to go there!